I've been feeling a sense of guilt lately. It's not an unusual feeling, in fact I have been known to feel guilty on some level about about lots of things: taking time for myself, not providing nutritious meals, not going outside some days, staying in our PJs for hours etc etc. I could probably find some way of feeling guilty about every little thing when it comes to myself or the kids - if I allowed it.
But it's none of those. What I can't help feeling guilty about, is actually enjoying life as it is right now.
This is a weird period that no one could ever have predicted. But I have a lot to be grateful for. At the risk of tempting fate, in a lot of ways, things have worked out for me. How I longed to home educate my son, (for various reasons we didn't) now I can! (Sort of - it's not the real thing is it really?) How I wished my husband was home more to spend time with the children and me - now he is! How I was seeking a slower pace of life, where I didn't need to be here there and everywhere or constrained by time, now I have that. How I wanted to spend more time in the garden or at the allotment - now I can. How I wanted more time to learn and grow, and now I have that too!
This is not a blog to show off or to say, hey I have it better than you. Far from it. This whole experience hasn't been without it's challenges. My relationships and my parenting have been tested but I'm relishing the opportunity to thrive.
And whilst it really IS okay to not be okay, and there should be good support for those that need it, I feel strongly that those that are okay right now, can be without feeling weighed down by guilt. I see it as a cycle - we all have our time to be the supporter or the 'supportee'. In the words of my friend Gemma last night "People need stability at this time too."
So I'm choosing not to feel guilty. I'm choosing to be the inspiration, the supporter, the stability that others need and I'm going to carry on carrying on until it's my turn to seek help.
If you need support, reach out, please. But if you don't, offer it! No guilt attached. We are all in this together. Stay safe!
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